eternal love of innocent souls

Eternal Love of innocent souls

I was just at the other end of my teen when I happened to fall in love with this girl who was in her mid teens. It was in no way love at first sight. I had known this girl since her birth as she was a relative of mine . She was very lean and I often use to tease her as Kaddi meaning as thin as a broom stick. I often use to tell her that if she remain Kaddi she will not get a groom to marry. she use to get angry over me over the remarks. Frankly I never thought her to be my bride material  at all. But I never knew one day I would be falling madly in love with her .  I had just completed my degree and she had entered the degree course. Both our family were residing in the same building complex I use to go to her house for chit chat. during the course knowingly or unknowingly I started liking her. Her typical teenagers mind ,smiling and laughing, staring at me often made me feel special to her. We were so involved in our conversations that hours use to fly like minutes. we were often lost in our own world. I was convinced that the feelings were on both the sides but both of us never expressed the same. Months passed on. I got myself enrolled to a post graduate course. I use to feel very lonely when she was not seen around and at that point of time  her importance in my life was all the more pronounced.

Her family shifted the house to a different location which made all the more difference to me. Before her shifting I wanted to express my love and went straight to her house. It seemed she was also eager to hear from me. But some how I did not get courage and I fumbled. I know she was very much disappointed with me at that point of time and she kept on asking what next ? . Like a lost warrior I returned home empty handed.

. Next day their family shifted to a new house. I could not get sleep for several days and life was a prison sans her. Now our meetings got drastically reduced but my feelings for her were as solid as ever. She completed her degree and got into a Govt.job  . I was still a student. Now I have started realizing that it would not be so smooth an affair to make her my life partner, as she being the  eldest in her family her parents started searching for alliance to her . I completed my Post graduation and soon got into a private company . Now with a job in hand I felt more confident and had planned to visit her place for Diwali and with renewed confidence wanted to propose her. But alas fate had other plans. I got a rude shock when my relative came over to my work site to inform that my dream girl is engaged to an Engineer and alliance finalized. I could not digest the shocking news. I was shattered. It was like an earth quake. I thought of ending my life but had no guts eighther. I lost interest in work. The very next day I quit the job without informing my boss; I left the work spot and headed towards an unknown destination. It was a nightmarish experience. After spending 2 days in a motel drinking and smoking all throe, I returned to my house as a shattered and battered person. No body in my house knew my affair and they never suspected that I quit the job because of the girl. My time during that period was so bad that I met with accident on 3 occasions. In one such accident my right hand was fractured. It was miserable time. My girl got married. The thought of my dream girl becoming some one’s life partner was simply draconian. I had decided to go far away and some how skip her marriage. I had no money. I borrowed money from my friend telling him that I’m trying for a contractual appointment and went straight to an unknown place. On the day of her marriage I was alone with shattered mind and drinking crates of beer and smoking cigarettes at a lodge .There was darkness every where. I returned only after her marriage was solemnised

With no job in hand shattered and battered I was a wreck. My friends seeing my plight forcibly took me to a movie to divert my mind.To my utter shock and dismay, the newly wed couple had also were in the theatre and were there sitting in the same row as we were.. On seeing her in a bridal dress, I almost fainted. I was just coming to terms with life but suddenly her reappearance created a sort of volcanic eruption. She sensed my uneasiness. I just sat in the corner totally avoiding her. It was 3 hours of brutal torture. I continued to be haunted by her for the next couple of years.

Years passed by I was doing odd jobs for survival but luckily I got placed in a secured job at a far away place. I was dying to get out of this place to erase her memory once for all. With a renewed spirit I left the place to start my life afresh. I had no contact with her afterwards. With this entire trauma I never thought of getting married to any other girl but circumstances and fate played a different game. I accepted my parents wish and agreed for marriage .Before I got married, I confessed everything to my would be wife. She understood my mind and appreciated my frankness. God was now kind enough to give new lease of life in the form of my wife. I was contended with an understanding wife and a child

Call it destiny or fate a sudden jerk in my life after 30 years made me totally confused. By chance I met my ex girl friend in a marriage fn. she was totally a different persona as a tall, thin girl to a matured looking woman. She sat next to my chair and to my surprise she started narrating all that has happened between us almost 40 years back. She went on talking for hours and I was just listening to her. The incidents which I had determined never to recall had been brought back. Finally when she shook my hands and bid adieu.she said “you can never open up…”

Her statement really disturbed me. I thought for a while and said to myself “God pass me in this testing moment”. I went and told my wife the incidence. Her smile reassured me that I can now handle the situation. Exactly a year later, I came to know that she was diagnosed for stomach cancer and was operated upon and she was in critical condition. The news shocked me. Suddenly I felt restless and became panicky. I had not seen her house but knew the area. Without telling any body including my wife I went in search of her house. After an hour I was able to locate her house. Her husband did not recognize me and when I told my name he immediately took me to his wife. She was lying in the bed and she had almost become a skeleton. She saw me but could not speak. Tears rolled out from her eyes. I was speechless seeing her condition. I just touched her forehead and walked out of the room to burst into tears. Her husband consoled me instead of me consoling him. I took courage and told him by Gods grace she will be OK.I left the place. I knew her days are numbered. I went home and narrated the incidence. My wife felt I should not have gone alone. The next day I scrambled the net to know whether any miracle medicine to cure this dreaded disease is available I saw an article suggesting the venom of bee as a probable medicine to cure this disease. I immediately faxed the message to her husband and searched the whole city to get the medicine. I could not get it. Some body suggested trying from some far off hilly place I immediately rushed to the place in my bike covering nearly 500 kms and got the medicine I wanted and I was about to return when I received  the most dreaded message that she was no more. For a moment I was totally shaken and the medicine bottle slipped out of my hand and broke. Looking sky wards I just sat on the ground and wept uncontrollably. After a while I came to my senses and drove back to see her last journey.. I was watching all the proceedings of her last rights silently and when the time came to lift the body I gave my hand and lifted her and went straight to the crematorium. When her body was pushed into the burning oven I felt a bird like thing squeezing out of my heart and flying away from my body. My eyes were completely dried out I felt as if a huge weight has been removed from my body and an unusual calm has set in. I realized I was only in love with her physical appearance. But what about her real self? Yes I knew for sure her “aatma”has already taken a new birth completely wiping out all the relation, memories of this birth.. When I came out of the crematorium I saw her only son and asked him whether he knew me. He said amma used to talk about me often. That was a real surprise. I just treaded back home wondering why the almighty makes and brakes the human relations.

I am convinced that we are all puppets dancing to his tunes….

By

Rampy